mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
