Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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