We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
