Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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