I hate your face
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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