The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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