i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
