Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
