Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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