You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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