somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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