threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
