I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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