My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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