My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
