Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
