I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
