you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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