i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
