I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize