I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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