The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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