One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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