Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
