we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
