he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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