Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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