Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Enjoy the penises
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
