Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
