Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
