My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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