Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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