My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
