I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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