the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
