just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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