paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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