i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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