she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
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