I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
