Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
one might say we're banned from that church
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
