We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize