I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I love you. Go after that dick
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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