Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
