You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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