Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
