Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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