I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
