all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
