no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just high enough for therapy.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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