I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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