I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
