A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
