I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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