I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
