Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
