If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
