New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
