Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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