If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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