Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
