I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's the barista slut.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
